Fricking Flora...

You see, polyvinyl chloride doesn't do that.

I'm strangely proud of this...

It may be time to take a long, hard look at myself.

You Can't Say That, Sarcasmo...

I'm taking my sarcastic robot ventriloquism act on the road.

He Thinks He's Better Than Me...

He's probably right.

Good For You, Jay Z...

Welcome to the real world.

Enjoy Cake Irresponsibly...

No-one was ever angry whilst eating cake. Fact.

No Rest For The Wicked...

Freud would have a field-day with that one.

Size Matters...

Although it does have a lot to do with how you use it.

It Was All Over Me...

Sometimes no means no.

Serious Business...

Just trying to get the discussion started, that's all.

I Look Like A Monkey...

But that's because we share 98% of our DNA.

No Regrets...

I need antecedent event contact-lenses.

Making Maths Fun...

I should've become a teacher.

I Do Not Need Your Sympathy...

There is a venn for everyone.

For The Love Of God, Stop...

There is only one way for those horns to make that noise...

More Important than Life and Death...

This is why the English drink so much. It's the only shot we have at optimism.

I Made It Out Of Old Pinball Machine Parts...

Who do you think?

The Weather is Sweet...

The sun is shining. A perfect excuse to dress like a dick.

Yo, Poseidon, Over Here...

No dolphins though. Shame. I was in the mood for flips 'n' shit.

[emoticon incredulous face]...

In times of trouble I look further for help and hope GoD doesn't LoL.

Enjoy Responsibly...

Tip: find the best wine by dividing the alcohol content by the price. The higher the number (or the "pissed/pound ratio" to use the official term), the better the wine.

Too Many Golf Puns...

Time to remind everyone that nailing porn stars and keeping secrets isn't the only thing he's good at.

My Apologies...

My only excuse for a lackadaisical approach to blogging. My bad.

Toeing the Company line...

Yes Sir, of course I'm focused on our annual corporate objectives.

If they insist...

Funny, the only thing they don't have there is my wife.

Ouroboros 'n' shiznit...

I know many of you have had nightmares that started like this.

Acceptance...

The first step is admitting it to myself.

Holy waste of time...

Like a really, really shit Batman.

Extra Special...

Research the reference. You won't be disappointed.

Happy Mother's Day...

Is it bad luck to have no idea where the Mother of your child is on Mother's Day? Have a great day sweetheart, wherever you are.

Death? Sex? He doesn't know. Oh, the look on his face...

Just because...

A lame explanation for such banality. Still, you have to admire the penmanship.

Research has shown...

Graphs = Science
Science = The Truth
Therefore Graphs = The Truth
I bathe myself in Syllogism.

It begins...

A simple enough question, with a multitude of possible responses. I'm open to answers/debate/shut up you goofy fucker/drinking until we solve it (delete as applicable).